on self-portraits
tonight something possessed me to sketch out a few self-portraits, things i don't think to take the time to draw very often. some resembled me greatly;
in 21 days, i'll be considered an adult man in the eyes of the law (well, someone who can legally get a tattoo, anyway). in all other ways, i've already undergone the transition from 'boy' to 'man.' i stopped crying at school. i was confirmed into the catholic church. i fell in love and kissed a girl. i went to highschool parties and watched drunken classmates flounder around backyard pools. i was offered weed and cigarettes backstage and labored over my "no"s. i graduated highschool. i learned to drive a car. i got over my fear of rollercoasters.
however, i've recently felt more like a 'boy' than ever. aren't i supposed to have more a sense of who i am by this point? maybe. not really...
as i mentally prepare for college, i've realized that i, like everyone else my age, am at the precipice of redefining my identity. i've taken some solace in that communal change. now's the time for me to figure out what kind of 'man' i want to become in college and as an adult. i think my childhood has cemented my hobbies, my interests, some of my wants; now, my values will be stretched and edited and redefined by whatever i experience next. i'm sure i'll shed old skin and find new parts of myself living on my own. the self-portraits i create 4 years down the line may look much different than the ones i drew tonight. they may be songs or poems or films.
here's what i've been listening to feel a little less small:
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